This is the year and going of my life i wish would have never happened but its happening and its not s nightmare but my love my wife my everything left me on dec 28 2015 and i have been living in regert this whole year now and coming from me its amazing cause i never have any regrets in my life because a regret in my mind is something that youve done to someone yourself or property so know this i have learned from but at the same time no me and my wife for our 8 year anniversary my wife ask me if a wanted to do a little bit of meth with her and my wife being clean of 8 years and me not at all really now the only reason why she has asked me this ? Is cause since we got together i can honestly say i was perfect but i tried to be for here but my perfect Ness never lastedi always fucked up and her being so intelligent and so comprehensive and i kid you not when it came to me being on something she knew i dont know how she did but she did and i wish oh how i wish i would have realized what it would do to me but me being the person i am and just alway say fuck it just do it i am probably the most impulsive person out there and dont care about the consequences til they come and its already to late and i have to suffer from my actions this has to be the worst set of consequences and they are the type of consequences that are repetitive ones it makes me deal with the heart break and just complete misery any would want to even imagine now back to the first day she left me know she has been trying to talk to me for months now but at the time she was telling me in a way i just never check because therebwas never no need for me to check it at the time i thought and suspected this outcome but we both at the time werent listening to each other or really paying attention for i was to busy into the meth and music for my mind state i was in just having my cousin and his dad die within the same year and to top it off me and my wife just months before our anniversary found out she was pregnant then within bout a month we found out she had a miscarriage now not only did i already have 2 bad things come down and beat my emotional states ass down and god just couldn’t stop saying fuck you trent you are a piece of shit and im going to make you know it so not only was i having a rough time now time for my wife to start feeling the same way and beating her self up about the miscarriage and feeling it was her fault fornot being able to protect the baby now look i dont know how ut feels to think that losing a kid is your fault but i do on one of you friends and that hard so i dont even want to feel your own flesh and blood is you fault i cant imagine and i know i should have been there more for her but at the time i was having it rough to but i should have put my problems aside cause now i know that no matter what you significant other emotions come first and i believe that if i could have done more then just tell her it wasn’t her fault if i could of shown her the compassion she need it but i was not a real man at the time i let my own feelings and emotions get in the way of it so i was a pansy now you know that heres how doing the meth together started it was probably bout a week befor our anniversary and we were driving over to her dads i dont remember if it was to go make something drop off something so i wouldnt find it and use it or pick.it up from being there alreadybut i gave the yes answer that fucked my whole life up to the ? she asked but know the now the ? A couple days in advance but right after i said yes she askec me if i was ready to deal with the consequences that are gonna come from doing this together i said of course i am i can handle them but not once did i think that from doing meth the one i love and want to spend my life with would leave me and get with someone else and keeps saying she still loves me and we will be together again but in all reality it feels like she hate me and cant stand my face or anything to do with me she avoids everything when it comes to us and it hurts to have her put another man first even though she says different like she dosent give 2 fucks about me and the way i feel now still after 1 year 1 mth and 10 days from the day she left me i still have felt the same way sure there is times i dont but for the most of it is bout the same to it or even worse at time and i am going to get to the times i remember the good and the bad i wish i could say there’s more good then bad but i do feel that there is more bad memories