I always thought I deserved better in everything. But most of the time I was not that much lucky to have anything. Although things happened like that, my heart not ready to accept that reality, so I was trying in anything which wanted to achieve, even if it’s so hard or painful. But eventually, I’ve been drained of the energy to hold on.
Every time I was with her, I wondered who I was to her. Sometime I thought I was just her friend. Friends, after all, would make some sort of effort to catch up with each other. But I was more likely her assistant. When she needs me for something, she wants my assistance, that’s all she wanted me. But when ever she wanted my attention, help or kindness I did it with bottom of my heart. If her were in broken heart, always I was nearby her and fixed her. I was so happy to do that. If her missed the classes, or had any difficulties about the projects, I was helping her without doing my own works. Sometime she was mumbling her, feelings and emotions via telephone. I only listened to them, I never did let her know that my feelings or emotions about anything. It’s because, I thought she may fed up with my things. So… I cried at the other end of the phone, instead. But I tried to make her up, and I was always telling, everything gonna be Ok for her. I always keep my interesting about her as a secret. I never gave any clue about I liked her very much. I never did any effort into asking her out. I wanted to flirt with her, badly but I never. I didn’t want to act as pushy boy either and wanted her to feel I’m the boy she is looking for.
When she was flirting with other boys, I cried hard in my heart and kept my patience. So finally, I thought to make a distance between us and go away from her association. But after few days again she came and asked my help and my kindness. So again I did light up my hope about her caring about me. But after sometime, it happened again the same thing. This was circulating through out the passed three years. But eventually I realized that she was not for me. I was managing not to look at her, as could as possible. I skipped the most of the moment that, I should be with her. When she rang my phone, I ignored it and concentrated my mind and body to some other thing.
End of the above all, my University life also ending up.Now time has passed almost for six months. she doesn’t phone me anymore. She didn’t ask about me, even from a friend of mine. I am pretty sure that she doesn’t miss me. And honestly, she may forgot even existed me in her past. When I think about this, deeply, it feels so hurt for my heart that, she totally forgot me in her heart. But the same time I realized that, she never gave any satisfaction for me but the pain. So it was the truth. And it’s always hard to believe this painful truth for my heart.